I Remember.... But I Wish I Didn't

I still remember the look on your face, the love i saw through your eyes, at ONE point in time, you told me you loved me, so why did you go?

The curves of your hands, i can still fill them, 

that silly scar you got from doing something really stupid. 

i remember you weren't much of a dancer, but you danced for me, why don't you do it anymore?

I remember your silly laugh, and how much you loved mines. 

I remember that ring you gave me, i swore i was gunna marry you someday

how funny how things change. 

i remember talking on the phone for hours, till the sun came up, 

back then we were so young, stuck on stupid and parked on dumb

i remember you playing in my hair, the smell of your clothes, that crooked smile of yours.... i still remember, i want to forget...but nevertheless i remember the pain because NOW

Your Reckless, 

 Never selfless, 

Ha, More like selfish 

Wish you could see in me, what i see in me

Or is it just me?

Your a bad idea, 

A bad man, i guess bad men do bad things

Momma was right, real love is worth the fight, 

but then i think, should you have to fight for real love? Shouldn't you just know?

Yea, i remember, Back in december, That winter before you went off to school,

Things were strange, you changed

i saw it in your eyes, your smile, 

i heard it in your voice

i felt it in your hugs and kisses,

the dark days came unexpectedly

i gave you whatever was left of me

over, and over and over again, 

but you just couldn't understand, 

you couldn't understand 

my love, my love for you was unconditional, even when you became someone knew. 

So this is me, this is me saying, your loss,

you will no longer be the boss of my thoughts, 

i will no longer, wait for you and have wishful thinking.

your an animal, it should be a sin the way you ripped my heart out, then gave it right back to me. 

you know your bold? and i realize your heart is NOTHING but cold. 

So dear boy, this is the end, then end of us, the end of you. 

And i know one day, ill look back at this, and laugh because you missed out on a MASTERPIECE. 

BUT THIS IS THE VERY FIRST PAGE, NOT WHERE THE STORY LINE ENDS. 

"I hope your, simply, happy"

Patience Is A Virtue: Wait For Your ADAM

I found this amazing poet through a friend, Her words had so much meaning and fullfillment in it that i wanted to share it with You. I think she's great, do you?

"God Is LOVE, in fact, the only love ill ever NEED"

My Life: In a nutshell

So, as I’m sitting here, in Starbucks,  music in my ears, I begin to think. Just in general about my life, My life, Oh my life. Oh for those of you who don’t know me, Hi,. I’m Cha’nae, I’ve been alive for 19 years now. Nice to meet you, :) you want to get it know me just a little? well keep reading,  I finally have my own kitchen. I’m excited about this. I’m generally excited about things that fall into “pretty” or “cozy categories. I sing, I’ve always wondered were people born singers or did they learn as they got older, I don’t know, maybe its just me and my random thoughts. I used to hear my mom singing around the house all the time as child, I think I was like seven, yea that sounds about right. So one day, I gave it a try, I said hey if my mom can sing, why cant I ?  and Walahh! What do you know? I could, it was almost like the angels coming out of even, and all you hear is “aaaaahhhhhhhhaahh” (in the high voice of course, cant forget that) ;) I write, oh yea, asking me why I write is like asking me why I breath. I write to live, to say things that I generally cant say in real life, because expressing my self most of the time, isn’t always easy, I’m sure you can relate to it. I have some of the bestest of friends, and family, so be jealous, because my life may not be perfect to you, but to me, my lifes imperfections are what makes my life perfect. I love how I argue with my little brothers even when they get on my last nerve.  I like little furry blankets, and I have a pink furry one that I’ve had since I was like 10, that I will never get rid of, my aunt brought it for me a while back, and ever since then, me and blanky have been inseparable. Pure LOVE <3 I love Orlando, its like my second home. Well, technically it is. I love riding in my car, blasting my music, with my hair blowing in the wind. I sometimes feel like no one understand how much I love this place, so maybe one day, ill find the courage to roll my window down and scream “I LOVE THIS PLACE!”. That wouldn’t be weird , right? Nahh I beg to differ.

I always wish I knew how to whistle, along with that, and trying to figure out love, it’s always been something I can’t conquer. I get jealous when I see other people whistling, it makes them a lot cooler to me, in my book. I love bright colors, and wearing them on my nails in the summer, is like what talk shows are to Oprah. and in high school, I would randomly draw smiley faces on my desks, and hope that I made someone smile. I own bright colored handbags, wallets and headbands, I love them all the same. Im a over-perfectionist, over-over thinker And over-planner. I recently just became this way around my first year of college.  I find joy in drinking hot chocolate with my grandma and picking flowers with my little brother. These days, I've been trying to classify my thoughts into two categories: "Things I can change," and "Things I can't.  It seems to sort of help me sort through things that I really should stress about. but there I go again, over thinking. Love is a tricky business, but if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be so obsessed with it.  I wonder how this feeling can make you feel like you are the greatest woman in the world, but then again maybe because you are, to that one person. I have no idea what im doing when it comes to love. Somedays I wonder, should I wear my hair down, or up. Should I curl it, or straighten it, should I wear it natural or add more color?, ughhh, over thinking again, but hey don’t blame me, blame love. So im no expert at it, that’s why I write about it, and maybe one day through my writings ill figure it out.

      Ive been apparently, growing up, and somehow everyone knew it, but me.  I mean hey, it happens to all of us. I found out that growing up can mean a lot of things to me. it doesn't mean I should become somebody completely new and stop loving the things I used to love. It means I've just added more things to my list. Like, Im still obsessed with the winter season, decorating the tree is the best, and making those holiday meals are always a winner. Putting up lights, is a kind of crazy obsession I’ve developed. Kind of like what starbucks frappes are to me on a summer afternoon. I still love writing in my journal, staring at lights and wearing cartoon pajamas at night, I don’t know, it makes me feel like I’m a kid again. Some new things I’ve fallen in love with are mismatched everything. Mismatched socks, mismatched furniture, mismatched clothes. I love old buildings with chipped painting, and graphite on the walls. And I feel every once and awhile, you need a shake with fries and a good heart to heart convo with your mom. I love laughing till my stomach hurts, and maybe even till I cry. As I get older, I realize things about me, that maybe other people don’t. if im in a room with a group of people, ill be the quietest one in the room, because I observe and think .

For the last two years, I’ve been in school, trying to figure out what I wanted to major in, and what was ‘my purpose. And when I really  sat down and thought about that I really wanted in life I figured out writing was my M-O. I love taking pictures, its nothing better. Capturing moments that you will remember forever is like a breath of fresh air. When I got out on my own, and got my own place, I’ve learned to cherish lifes moments, even the ups and downs. Because those life experiances are what makes you, YOU <3.  I lovvvvveeeeeee being with my family, but being with myself is even better. I get the time to listen to my own thoughts and think of what I want, you can call it selfish, but see me, I call it “ME TIME”, everyone needs it.

I think it's important that you know that I will never change. But I'll never stay the same either. Must be a virgo thing. 

i'm pretty stoked that you read this whole thing. I commend you for that. This was ridiculously long, and you probably have other stuff you could've done in the last four minutes. So to you, or anyone else who has spent four minutes on me in some way, thank you. I love you like I love sparkles and having the last word. & that’s REAL LOVE <3

                                                               -Sincerely 

Just a simple, but yet so complex girl